The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?
Written By: Ben Bernstein
November 15, 2024
Picture your usual Lifetime movie: a family enjoying quality time together, all sitting down to a wonderful holiday meal. Everyone is smiling from ear to ear, a time of peace and good cheer. The kids got all of the gifts they wanted. There's a happy ending at the end of the movie; joy to the world, right?
Needless to say, for a lot of us, this is not the usual experience during the holidays. To some, everything about the holiday season needs to be PERFECT, as this may be the only time that everyone is together all year (or maybe several years). Some of our family members have a hard time saying hurtful things (and that’s putting it nicely). The holidays are a reminder of family, which can be a sore subject for a lot of reasons. This could be a yearly reminder of those that have passed, or those that have left. When we compare our families to others (thanks social media), and it doesn’t look like the Lifetime family (or if we don’t measure up in other ways), this can amplify those unpleasant feelings.
Here are several things that you can keep in mind to ensure that you have a pleasant, if not bearable, holiday season:
Accept that things won’t be perfect: The holidays are an opportunity to go with the flow; there’s a better chance than not that things won’t go the way you thought, and that’s all right. Please be kind to yourself during this stressful time. No one’s winning any medals here.
Less is more. You don’t have to be a superhuman, serving everyone at your gathering by yourself. If you can, give responsibilities to others. I am talking to all the people-pleasers out there: if you have met your limit, stop and let someone else take over. Speaking of this:
Say no sometimes. It’s ok. You can’t go to everything. Holidays are meant to be enjoyed, so please enjoy them. Go to the events that matter to you the most, so that you’re not spent. Ah, another transition:
The holidays are a marathon, not a sprint. I invite you to take the time you need, when you need it. Take a nap. Take a walk. That thing, whatever it is, will get done in its due time. Or maybe it won’t, and that’s all right too.
One is the loneliest number. Social isolation and feelings of loneliness are often the most frequent from October-January, according to Dr. Adnan Arif, a Psychiatrist at Northwestern Medicine. Reach out to family and friends.
If you have the ability, there are many opportunities to volunteer in the Champaign-Urbana community. Here are some resources to get you started:
https://blog.admissions.illinois.edu/volunteer-opportunities-in-champaign-urbana/
https://www.unitedwaychampaign.org/volunteer
https://champaign.org/support/volunteers/volunteer-opportunities
https://champaignparks.org/volunteer/
If you need emotional support during the holidays, here a few resources:
Illinois Mental Health Collaborative Warm Line (Monday-Friday, 8 am- 8 pm): 1-866-359-7953
https://www.illinoismentalhealthcollaborative.com/news/Warm-Line.pdf
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) HelpLine (Monday-Friday, 9 am-9 pm)
1-800-950-6264
Institute on Aging Friendship Line (for seniors experiencing grief or intense feelings of loneliness, available Monday-Friday, 10 am-10 pm)
1-888-670-1360
https://www.ioaging.org/services/friendship-line/
Please take care of yourselves during the holidays. There are many things that can bring about powerful emotions, and I invite you to use the resources you need during this time. It’s ok to say no and to set boundaries. It’s ok that everything doesn’t get done. It’s ok to walk away when you need to. Your needs matter too.
Resources:
Johns Hopkins Medicine: 4 Mindful Tips to De-Stress This Holiday Season
Northwestern Medicine: 7 Tips to Help with Holiday Stress: Managing Stress and Depression Around the Holidays
https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/emotional-health/tips-to-help-with-holiday-stress
Mayo Clinic Health System: 9 tips to fend off holiday stress
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/fend-off-holiday-stress-with-these-tips
The holidays are a tough time for many of us. If you would like to schedule an appointment with a therapist, contact us via email (info@champaigncounseling.com) or call us at (217) 203-2008.