Where Did You Get That Idea?
Written By: Kye Ewing
February 23, 2024
As therapists, we often hear clients repeat common phrases from their childhoods or from our culture more generally. You’ve probably heard some of these, too:
“If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself”
“Never give up!”
“Laughter is the best medicine”
“Spare the rod, spoil the child” (Proverbs 13:24)
“Beggars can’t be choosers”
“God helps those who help themselves”
We often repeat those phrases so frequently that we forget where we first heard them, but we probably have examples of situations in our lives that “prove” the idea. These phrases are often harmless and the reason they are well-known is probably because they do hold true in many cases. The problem is that when we have held onto an idea like these for so long, we sometimes forget to question whether or not it remains true for us any longer or whether or not it applies to our current situation.
For example, maybe the idea that “Beggars can’t be choosers” made sense when you were first looking for a job, didn’t have many qualifications, and desperately needed income. In that case, maybe the idea helped you accept a less-than-perfect job to get your career started. But what if that same mindset has led someone who feels that they don’t have many romantic prospects to accept a relationship with a partner that is manipulative or even abusive?
A saying like “God helps those who help themselves” could be used to emphasize internal motivation and provide a sense of agency for someone who has been overly reliant on external motivation or who has felt subject to forces beyond their control. However, the same saying has been used as a reason to look down on people who some may perceive as not doing enough to “help themselves.”
Telling ourselves or others to “never give up” could be encouragement to be resilient and to get through a difficult part of a process to achieve an outcome or goal. There are also times when it is important to recognize that something is not working for us and we do need to let it go or “give up” on it in order to be able to move forward with our lives.
Laughter really can be the best medicine during hard times and it can also minimize someone’s pain if they’re needing someone to join them in their mourning and give them a shoulder to cry on.
When thinking about some of the principles that guide you in your life, it may be helpful to ask some of these questions:
What are a few ideas that guide me in my life? Sometimes these ideas are so deeply ingrained that we don’t even realize what they are and putting words to them can help us look at them more carefully.
Where did that idea come from? A parent, grandparent, teacher, or other important figure from my childhood? My religious beliefs? Something I read?
Do I still trust the source of this belief? Or have my beliefs or perspectives changed since I first heard it?
How has this idea helped me in my life? What situations has it helped me work through?
Have there been times when this idea has caused more harm than good?
How is this idea working for me in my current situation? Does it still ring true for me or is it time to challenge it?
As with most things, the answer to the question of whether or not any of these ideas are “true” is “sometimes.” It can be extremely helpful to work with someone else to get feedback on how your beliefs are affecting your life. If you’d like to work with someone to examine some of these ideas and explore how you can move towards living the kind of life you want to live, email or contact us today at 217-203-2008 to schedule an appointment and start your journey.