Valentine’s Day Expectations
By: Emily Beck
With relationships come expectations. Having a partner or dating more casually sometimes creates a need for certain types of celebrations or recognition of your relationship, either publicly or privately. With the amount of time we spend on social media, our feeds become nothing but photos of flowers, cards, and gifts that people have received from their Valentine and just cannot wait to show off. No matter if you are single, dating, engaged, married, uncertain, or none of the above, Valentine’s Day can create unnecessary stress and anxiety.
If you are not seeing anyone, this holiday can cause feelings of loneliness, or wishing that you had someone to celebrate with. This can be made worse by the recent ending of a significant relationship, and Valentine’s Day can just feel like salt in the wound. If you are seeing someone, Valentine’s Day has expectations of how you will surprise your loved one with gifts, even if they said they did not want to exchange gifts this year. Restaurant reservations are hard to get and come with expensive prix fixe menus.
So how do we manage this holiday that can loom every February 14th?
Celebrate yourself - Why not follow in Miley Cyrus’s footsteps and buy yourself flowers? No one ever said you can’t! Valentine’s Day can be a day when you find ways to do things that YOU enjoy, whether that be relaxing with a bubble bath, eating a nice dinner, watching a movie, spending time alone or with friends, or simply going to bed early.
Celebrate on a different day - It’s hard to find a place to go to dinner on Valentine’s Day, and even if you can, sometimes it’s in the middle of the week! You might not have the energy to go out on a random Wednesday evening. Instead, pick a day that is meaningful to you and your significant other rather than just going out because the calendar says you should.
Celebrate with friends - Romantic love is far from the only kind of love that we experience. Galentine’s day gained popularity as a way to celebrate platonic friendships. Why not have a cozy dinner with friends you care about, rather than trying to plan the most romantic evening you possibly could?
Remember that this is just one day - Valentine’s Day will be over on February 15th, and candy is on sale. You do not have to even consider the day to be anything special. Treat Valentine’s day like any other day, and it will be over before you know it.
Remember that your feelings are ok - You do not have to try to make yourself feel better. You are allowed to feel sad, angry, bitter, frustrated, or any other emotion relating to Valentine’s Day. You do not have to distract yourself or pretend to be ok just because there may be pressure to do so from others.
Grief is often a big part of holidays. If you are grieving this Valentine’s Day, remember that you are allowed to feel however you feel. Grief is complicated, messy, and unexpected. Every loss and every type of loss feels different. Your grief is valid and real, and you do not need to fix how you are feeling.
There is no right or wrong way to feel about a holiday designed to celebrate love and also sell greeting cards. While we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make Valentine’s Day something extraordinary, it does not have to be. You can celebrate, or not. These choices or life situations do not mean anything about who you are as a person. So go plan your Valentine’s Day date, evening in, friend outing, family dinner, movie night, or none of the above. You do you, and you will get through it!
If you are struggling with challenges in relationships, we are here to help! Give us a call at 217-203-2008 to start promoting peace from within.
Resources:
https://www.unh.edu/pacs/break-ups-how-help-yourself-move
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24787-grief
https://www.gottman.com/blog/truth-expectations-relationships/