Supporting Your Freshman as They Leave for College
Written By: Erin Graham
September 1, 2023
The time has come. You have spent the last eighteen or so years preparing for this moment and probably most of the summer getting ready for it. You have packed all the things. Attempted to prepare for all the scenarios. Double checked all of the lists. You have attended the orientations and done all the college things.
You have tried to teach them to wash their clothes, cook simple meals, manage their time, take care of themselves and just generally be good humans. You are worried you have not done enough. Are they prepared? Will they be okay? You desperately want them to find their people in their new home but to remember where they came from.
As drop off day approaches, what can you do to support them in this transition to college?
First, check your own feelings. How are you doing? It is important to manage your feelings while supporting theirs. Do you believe they can do this? More than anything, your child needs to know that while you will miss them while they are gone, you know they are ready to tackle this next step in life. Now is the time to transition from parent to coach/cheerleader.
Second, normalize and validate their feelings. It is completely normal to have mixed feelings about heading off to college. College freshmen often feel excitement about changes while mourning losses. There will probably be hard days when they feel alone or they just miss home. Others may feel disappointed because their experience isn’t what they expected or may be different from their friends. All of this is normal.
Which gets me to my third point, DO NOT RESCUE YOUR CHILD! You don’t need to fix or rescue your child from this situation. They got this. More than anything, they need you to believe they can handle anything that comes their way. When they lose their confidence, they will need to borrow yours.
Fourth, prioritize relationship above all else. Your child is going to do things you do not want them to do. They are going to make choices you don’t agree with. It might be something as simple as what they are eating or as important as their college major. You are going to have strong feelings about these things. However, if every time you talk to your child you are “on them” about what they are doing, they are going to pull away. Save those talks for the big things. A good thing to ask yourself when addressing concerns is “how is this going to impact my relationship with my child and is it worth it?” Some things will be, others will not. You get to decide.
Finally, check in regularly. Most college freshmen do just fine and eventually find their way after six to eight weeks. But some need additional support. If you notice significant changes to your child’s eating and sleeping habits, if they no longer enjoy doing things they used to do, if they ask for help or if you notice a persistent or pervasive depressed mood or excessive worry, it might be time to seek the help of a therapist. Colleges typically have resources available to students on campus and your insurance provider can tell you who your in-network providers are near your student. If your child is having thoughts of harming themselves or others, they need to be evaluated by medical personnel immediately. They need to call 911 or be taken to the nearest emergency room.
If you or your child needs help with the transition to college, we at Champaign Counseling can provide support. Contact us at (217) 203-2008 or visit our website at www.champaigncounseling.com.
Additional resources can be found at:
https://grownandflown.com/help-teen-transition-college/
https://www.parents.com/how-do-i-help-my-teen-adjust-to-college-life-6750803
https://www.teenlife.com/blog/four-ways-parents-can-ease-transition-college/
https://peaceathomeparenting.com/support-your-teens-transition-to-college/