Empowering Neurodiversity: Building Understanding and Support

Written By: DeAnn Winn

January 26, 2024

Introduction

Celebrating neurodiversity is celebrating the different ways people think, learn, and experience the world. Neurodiversity includes conditions like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and more. While we have made progress as a society in accepting neurodiversity, there are times when even well-meaning people say things that can make neurodivergent individuals and their families feel misunderstood. In this blog, we will explore common statements that can be hurtful and provide guidance on how to be a more understanding and supportive friend, parent, or advocate.

Invalidating Statements

  1. "But you don't look autistic/ADHD/dyslexic…"

    • This statement disregards the unique challenges many neurodivergent individuals face. Not fitting the stereotypical image of a neurodivergent person doesn't mean their struggles are not real.

  2. "You're just overreacting."

    • Downplaying the emotions and experiences of neurodivergent individuals is hurtful. What might seem like an overreaction to some could be a genuine response to sensory overload or social stress.

  3. "All kids do that; it's just a phase."

    • Parents of neurodivergent children often hear this dismissive comment. While some behaviors are typical for children, neurodivergent children might face persistent challenges that deserve understanding and support.

  4. "You should try harder to fit in."

    • This statement puts unnecessary pressure on neurodivergent individuals to conform to neurotypical standards. What you are saying is they should be someone they are not. It is called masking and masking can be emotionally taxing and can lead to depression and anxiety.

  5. "Sorry for your situation."

    • This comment can be interpreted as pity toward parents, which can be hurtful, as it implies negativity about having a neurodivergent child.

  6. "You're my hero." or "Special kids for special parents."

    • While these comments may seem positive, they can add undue pressure on parents and set them apart from other parents, creating a sense of isolation.

Understanding the Invalidation

Invalidating statements can have a significant negative impact on neurodivergent individuals and their families. They invalidate their experiences and reinforce stigma. These statements can also lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and isolation, which can cause trauma, depression and anxiety.

Supportive Strategies

  1. Educate Yourself

  2. Active Listening

    • When neurodivergent individuals or parents share their experiences and challenges, listen with empathy and understanding. Offer validation for their feelings and struggles.

  3. Respect Individual Differences

    • Recognize that neurodiversity encompasses a wide range of experiences. Avoid generalizations and stereotypes and treat each person as unique.

  4. Seek Input

    • When interacting with neurodivergent individuals, ask them about the accommodations or support they need. They are the experts on their own experiences and involving them in decision-making can be empowering.

  5. Mindful Language

    • Choose your words carefully. Avoid making sweeping statements or giving unsolicited advice. Use affirming language that acknowledges their experiences and emotions, such as:

      • "Thank you for sharing your experiences with me."

      • "Your feelings and experiences matter, and I'm here to support you."

  6. Offer Support

    • Be there when needed, but always ask first. Your support may include helping with tasks affected by sensory sensitivities or providing emotional support during challenging moments.

Conclusion

Being a neurodivergent therapist who works with neurodivergent client’s I cannot stress enough the harm caused by those who are dismissive of neurodivergent experiences. Supporting those who are neurodivergent, and their families means taking steps to understand our experiences, validating our experiences, and listening with empathy. We have many strengths that are often overlooked because society only looks at the challenges we have in a neurotypical world. Let’s all strive for a more inclusive society!

If you are neurodivergent, or believe you may be neurodivergent, contact our office. We have therapists who can help you navigate a neurotypical world. Call us today at 217-203-2008 of email us at info@champaigncounseling.com.

 

Resources:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/connected-leadership/202307/how-to-build-strong-relationships-with-neurodivergent-people-1

https://www.everythingneurodiversity.com/post/hbr-ascend-stop-asking-neurodivergent-people-to-change-the-way-they-communicate-jd-goulet

Stop Asking Neurodivergent People to Change the Way They Communicate (hbr.org)

https://www.thelist.com/977755/what-not-to-say-to-parents-of-neurodivergent-children/

https://www.livingonthespectrum.com/uncategorized/5-things-not-to-say/

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