How to Cope with Anxiety Caused by Things Out of Your Control
Written By: Dana Baker
November 3, 2023
Anxiety and Control
Do you notice that your anxiety spikes when things are out of your control? This is not uncommon. Our minds have evolved to feel most comfortable with certainty, structure and predictability because it creates an illusion and sense of safety. When our minds perceive a lack of control it perceives this to mean that we are in danger and stress response is triggered in our body. This stress response which involves adrenalin and cortisol leads to familiar symptoms of anxiety such as racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, breathlessness, rapid heart rate, fatigue, and sleeping troubles. While we can't necessarily stop our brains from perceiving “things that are out of our control” as danger that will trigger anxiety, we can control our responses once anxiety shows up and we can also retrain our brains to not perceive a lack of control as anxiety. Below are a few helpful ideas and tips on how to cope with anxiety caused by things out of our control.
Focus On What You Can Control
When things feel out of control in your life, it’s important to notice what is in your control so that you can focus your attentions on those things to reduce your anxiety. What you can control is your reaction to situations, how you choose to spend your time, and your general daily actions. In terms of your reaction to things that are out of your control, you can either respond by fighting reality, or you can choose to acknowledge what’s out of your control and instead to turn your attention to something positive. You can also choose to structure your time in such a way that focuses on tasks and interactions that are nurturing and empowering. Lastly, you can be intentional with your actions. You can practice mindfulness; watch something you enjoy or do something kind for someone else to divert your attention away from what is out of your control.
Addressing your mindset
Cognitive distortion is a persistent thought that isn’t grounded in reality. Cognitive distortions make you see things more negatively than they really are. Everyone experiences cognitive distortions to some degree. The more cognitive distortions you experience, the more negative your thoughts can be. You might find it difficult to think positively or objectively about certain experiences because of these distorted thoughts. A common cognitive distortion is the control fallacy: the idea that you can and should control more than what you can. Your thoughts might be telling you that you’re responsible for others or for events, and that’s why you feel the need to oversee every situation. But perhaps you’re not responsible for everything that you think you are. Learning to recognize these thoughts can be helpful and might lead you to stop worrying. When you identify that your thoughts aren’t entirely truthful and rational, you might find it easier to cope with them. If you realize some things aren’t your responsibility, you might let them go instead of trying to control them.
Radically Accept What’s Not in Your Control
Radical acceptance, a popular DBT skill, involves letting go of wishing that your reality was different so that you are freed up to focus on other things in your life. Worrying about things that are out of your control will not alter the outcome, even if it feels as though your anxiety will somehow prevent a future catastrophe. Mastering the skill of acceptance is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Acceptance is both a mental process and a practical skill. From a mental perspective, you can cultivate acceptance by using self-talk to remind yourself that “it is what is it is”. You can tell yourself that it’s perfectly okay to not have control over everything and remind yourself that you can always control your reactions. From a practical standpoint, you can ensure that you don’t put your energy into behaviors that will simply give you an illusion of being able to control the future or situations as this is a waste of time and harmful to your mental health.
Change Your Interpretation to Lower Your Anxiety
When you’re faced with situations that are of your control, instead of automatically viewing these situations as negative and anxiety provoking, you can choose to view them as opportunities for growth. However, the situation unfolds, even if the outcome is unfavorable, you can always choose to focus on the resilience you will gain by enduring something unpredictable. Alternatively, if your mind usually jumps to negative conclusions about “out of control” events in your life, you can intentionally train your mind to look at the events in a neutral manner with an unknown conclusion. For example, we can acknowledge that we often don’t know how people in our lives are going to behave or what the results of a medical test are going to be or whether we’ll get hired for a job we applied to but that until we know how something is going to play out, we can view the process and outcome neutrally and not add catastrophizing judgments in the intermit.
Using Deep Breathing
Consider using deep breathing exercises when you’re feeling overwhelmed by things you can’t control. Deep breathing might be able to soothe anxiety by taking you out of the fight, flight, or freeze mode. Practicing deep breathing can help reduce negative responses to stressful situations, as well as ground you.
To practice belly breathing, try these steps:
Sit down in a comfortable but upright position.
Put both hands on your belly and close your eyes.
Slowly breathe in through your nose as much as you can.
As you breathe in, fill your belly with air.
Slowly breathe out through your mouth pressing your lips together, as if blowing kisses.
Let your belly release all the air and become flat once more.
Continue breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth while you focus on the motion of your belly.
You can use this technique every time you feel your stress levels rising when thinking about a situation you feel the urge to control.
Talk to a Therapist
Lastly, (Our favorite) you can seek out therapy from a therapist to learn how to better manage your anxiety caused by things that are out of your control. A therapist can help teach you new skills for identifying and managing your anxiety and worries. A therapist can provide a safe space for you to share your fears and help keep you accountable to practice skills that will help prevent you from spinning into an anxiety spiral.
If you’re struggling with anxiety or experiences excessive worry about things out of your control and feel therapy could help you manage more efficiently, email or contact us today at 217-203-2008 to schedule an appointment and start your healing journey.
Resources:
https://careinfo.mayoclinic.org>mental-health>anxiety
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