Ghosting
Written by: Emily Beck
October 20, 2023
Ghosting is the act of discontinuing contact with someone without telling them why or that you’re going to do so. Disappearing like a ghost. Ghosting is commonly associated with dating, particularly in the early stages, but this can happen in many other contexts. People will sometimes ghost longer term relationships, friendships, or even family members. As therapists, we even get ghosted by clients who no longer want to see us anymore. Anyone who has been ghosted knows that it can be confusing or even painful, so why does it happen?
What are some reasons we ghost?
Fear of confrontation- Telling someone you no longer want to spend time with them, see them for therapy, talk to them at all, can feel very scary. What if the person gets upset or wants to know why, and you can’t think of an answer? What if they convince you to stay with them?
Fear of hurting the other person- Rejection hurts. Most people dislike rejection in all forms, so it can feel like the kind thing to do to just stop talking to the person.
Anger- If you are angry with someone, it can feel like quite an ask to give them a reason why you no longer want to speak to them.
Mental Health struggles- If a person is socially anxious, they may struggle with any communication, let alone difficult communication. If a person is depressed, they may not have the energy for friendships or relationships.
Getting out of a dangerous situation- If you are in an abusive or dangerous relationship, sometimes the safe thing to do is not to let the person know you are ending the relationship.
Getting ghosted doesn’t usually feel good, and it can be hard to get closure without having an idea of what happened or why.
Here are some ways in which you can help yourself recover:
Self-Care- Taking care of yourself and your own needs is always a good way to handle a difficult experience.
Stick to the facts- It can be easy to try to fill in the gaps. Try not to do that, as it is impossible to know what happened unless the other person tells you. You only know what the other person has said.
Don’t repeat the behavior- If you know how terrible it feels to be ghosted, do your best to not ghost people in your future.
Remember that this happens to a lot of us- Many people have been ghosted, and it often has more to do with the other person than with you. Just know you are not the first or last person to experience this.
Setting clear boundaries can help prevent ghosting in a new relationship. Try telling the person you prefer to know if something isn’t going wrong, even if it means that the relationship is ending.
To avoid ghosting someone else, remember that it ultimately is helpful for a person to have closure if they know the reason behind the ending of the relationship. Having a frank, open conversation with someone about why you no longer want a relationship with them can be very scary. The other person may react with hurt and surprise. However, the honesty can ultimately be best for the other person and will likely feel better for yourself.
If you are ever feeling unsafe in a relationship, ghosting may be your only option, and that is ok. Your safety is the most important thing.
Interested in learning more about how to manage relationships? Looking to process grief from the end of a relationship? Give us a call today at 217-203-2008 and start promoting peace from within.