Breathing Doesn’t Work For Me

Written By: Michelle Hooks

September 6, 2024

If you’ve ever been anxious or upset, I’m guessing you’ve had someone tell you before “take a breath,” and if you have, you know it is sometimes one of the least helpful things to hear in those moments. Most of us have probably also told someone that though too, but that’s not the point. When coping skills are brought up in the therapy room, a common disclaimer I immediately hear is that “breathing doesn’t help any” and with this comes a very understandable hesitation to try breathing exercises. So why does breathing work for some and not others? And what else can be done?


What does breathing do?

Breathing through an emotion or reaction does two things. Intentionally breathing a bit deeper (also, doesn’t have to be deep enough to blow out 98 birthday candles) and exhaling longer sends signals to the brain that say “things are going to be ok,” so the brain stops sending stress hormones and fight/flight signals to the body. The brain is able, slowly, to tell the heart to beat regularly instead of rapidly, the lungs to breathe normal instead of shallow and muscles to be at ease instead of tensing. This is a physical process that takes time, minutes not seconds. 


The other thing that breathing does is provide a distraction. It turns the focus from the stressor to a physical activity, making the stressor feel a bit less intense in the moment. This means the brain can then change its message to the body from “danger alert” to “all is well” like it does with breathing.


The brain’s role

The brain is an incredible organ that learns from past experiences and uses those things to interpret present events, so it can become hypersensitive to uncomfortable situations in an effort to protect the system. The more the brain senses threat, the more hypersensitive it can become and the more it takes to change its message to the body. The primary goal in “calming down” is changing the brain’s message to the body, and breathing is simply a vehicle often prescribed to make that change. Changing the message the brain sends to the body can happen through 2 primary ways: 

  • Changing thoughts, such as meditations and mental distractions

  • Sensory experiences, such as breathing and certain physical activities


Other ways to try breathing

Breathing is such an automatic thing it can be weird at first to think about it, notice it or force yourself to breathe differently than you are in any given moment. I often find there is an assumption that breathing to “calm down” needs to happen through meditation, weird silence, with uncomfortable breaths or should instantly calm the brain and body. We already talked about it taking more than an instant, so let’s focus on what actually needs to happen. Here are some other ways to try breathing:

  • Just notice the fact that you are breathing

  • Can you feel the air moving through your nostrils or mouth or is it barely noticeable?

  • Notice the rise and fall of your chest…is it rising quickly? Falling longer than it rises?

  • Notice the pace of your breathing when you feel good, so you know what your “normal breathing” is and try to copy it at times you’re feeling slightly stressed (finding a song that has a similar tempo/beat as your breath can be a good trick with this one)

  • Try to match the breathing rate of someone around you

  • Sing a song either out loud or under your breath (depends on where you are!) and make sure to take a breath where you would if you were really singing

  • Sing or talk continuously, not pausing for an inhale (if this doesn’t end up forcing you to take a deeper breath within the first few breaths, it’s probably not the best one for you)


There’s more than breathing

Knowing that changing thoughts and adjusting sensory experiences are the foundation to changing the brain’s message to the body, the sky becomes the limit on coping skills. Breathing is just one very adaptable tool that provides both distraction and sensory experience. There are many other things to do, including a lot of things you already do. 

  • Walking even just 20 steps

  • Moving something slightly heavy

  • Feeling your pulse listening to comedy

  • Finding a texture you like to feel or a sound you enjoy


We’re going to revisit this topic of coping skills in another post and help you discover what things that should be in your go-to list of coping skills. Coping skills often have to change as we change, and it’s not always easy to figure out what you’re needing by yourself. If you are interested in taking inventory on your coping skills or feel like what you’re doing isn’t working for you right now, we would be honored to help you with that process.  Call us at (217)203-2008 or send us an email to schedule an appointment.


References:

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response

https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/stress/why-deep-breathing-makes-you-feel-so-chill

https://resiliencymentalhealth.com/2022/12/15/mindfulness-4-alternatives-to-breathing-activities/



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